Is it just me, or do kids grow up WAY too fast? When my kids was a young and SO difficult, I would often wish that he would grow up a little bit faster. Now that my oldest is 16 and will be leaving home in two short years, I want to slow time down to a crawl. I want to breathe it all in and make the most of the time that will disappear before I know what happened. I want to connect with my kids on more than just a surface level.
Sometimes, in the midst of the daily craziness, it’s hard to find time to do that. However, we have discovered a few tricks at our house. Perhaps they will work for you also.
1. Dates With Mom and Dad
Each month Greg and I each take a Saturday to take one of our kids on a date. We rotate through all of the kids, and they look forward to it like little else. They have a $25 budget for an activity of their choice with Mom or Dad. The activity is not as important as the fact that they have our undivided attention for a couple of hours, which is rare in a family of seven.
In addition to having fun, that time often lends itself to conversations about what is going on in their lives. It allows us to connect with them in a way that often doesn’t happen when we are caught up in the daily grind. Plus, they LOVE it. If something comes up and we are unable to go out with them on their scheduled day, you had better believe that we are going to hear about it until we reschedule.
2. Family Dinner Time
We have all heard that family mealtime is important. Studies have shown that consistently eating dinner as a family results in smarter children (better vocabularies, higher test scores, higher grades), children who are less likely to use drugs, children who are courteous and conversational, children who eat better, and children who are more likely to have positive peer relationships. (source)
Although it is sometimes difficult to manage, we make family dinner time a priority. Except for the rare exception, we sit down at the table as a family each weeknight and on Sundays. Fridays and Saturdays are often filled with date nights and friends.
Our dinnertime ritual consists of an activity that we call “High, low, and what do you know.” We go around the table, and each person gets to tell about the best thing that happened to them that day (High), the worst thing that happened to them that day (Low), and something that they learned.
This is one way that we, as a family, stay up to date on each other’s lives. We get to hear about the friends that weren’t nice, the bad grades on tests, the times that they are tired or sad, and other things that are not so great. We also get to hear about the happy and amazing things that happen, as well as what we are all learning in school and life.
I am not going to lie…sometimes this feels like a chore. The teenagers occasionally ask if they can PLEASE be excused to do homework because the lists of highs are taking forever to get through. The answer to that question is always no. They are required to sit and listen while each person takes their turn. Listening is a life skill, and by golly, they get to practice it every night. Sometimes they do not think that is wonderful, but most of the time they are eager to participate.
3. Daddy Sundays
Since Greg is not home as much as I am, he spends quality time with the kids by having special one on one meetings with them on Sundays. He tries to meet with each of them on a monthly basis, giving them as much time with him as they need. He talks to them about everything from friends to school, to faith, to whatever else may be happening in their lives at the time.
He works with the boys on their scouting. He talks to the girls about where they are in the Faith in God or Personal Progress programs. He reviews the For the Strength of Youth standards with them. He has frank discussions with them about pornography, the Internet, and the dangers of both.
You name it…he talks to them about it during these meetings. Of course, I am always invited to attend, but most of the time I opt to give the kids this special time with Dad. I am the one who usually gets to take advantage of daily spontaneous teaching moments since I spend more time with the kids each day. Greg does not often have that opportunity because of his schedule, so Daddy Sundays are his teaching time.
4. Tuck Them in at Night
Greg is better at this one than I am, but he lives for the time to talk to each one of the kids before bed. (I am often exhausted by then, and happy to let him take the lead here.) He tucks them in, except the two older boys who are often still up doing homework when the little ones go to bed, talks to them about their days, sings them a song (the same song that his dad used to sing to him at bedtime), and tells them a made up story. They look forward to this time all day. It is an easy way for him to tell them that he loves them.
5. Text Those Teenagers
I just started doing this with my daughter a few weeks ago, but she has responded well. I send her an inspirational meme via text every day. She even asked if she could print a few, which tells me that she might be hearing the words from those texts more than the words from my lips.
Even though texting is not my preferred form of communication, I decided that it might be worth it to talk to her in the way that she likes to talk, and it seems to be working.
Although there are countless ways to connect with your kids on an individual and meaningful level, hopefully, this list will get you started. If you have anything to add that works for your family, please feel free to share so that we can all learn together.
